


Please Understand That I Tried

by Ayre_You_There



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 09:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18206567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayre_You_There/pseuds/Ayre_You_There
Summary: A short vignette about the fateful moment on stage after Peter's Queen Mab speech, from Jason's point of view.





	Please Understand That I Tried

**Author's Note:**

> Admittedly, this one is a bit angsty for me, but it was the result of my attempt to understand what Jason must be feeling, as the end of the show largely focuses on Peter's perspective. It left me feeling sad.
> 
> It's not a true poem, but I tried to be somewhat poetic in structure, often borrowing lyrics and other references from the show. I apologize if it comes off clumsy. Obviously those borrowed words are not my own and I shall never claim them as such.

Jason knew he’d fucked up.

Understatement of the century. Jason _knew_ he had fucked up so completely, so irreversibly, so permanently that there was literally no way out. No way to undo his fuck-up. No way to stop it. Which was why he couldn’t bring himself to let Peter walk out onstage.

The words Peter had said echoed in his head. “If prayer were the answer, I’d fall on my knees…” Jason wished more than anything he could do exactly that. Hell, in this moment he would do _a lot_ more than that if it would change anything. But it wouldn’t. He couldn’t. All he could do was beg Peter to stay, stretch this moment out as long as the world around him would allow.

But it didn’t last. Jason felt his heart fall so hard, his legs threatened to give way underneath him as he watched Peter take his place onstage, and he followed as if on autopilot. He knew it was hopeless. From the moment he heard voices, the lines blurred together and Jason’s brain couldn’t begin to focus long enough to reply. “Tis no wit to go,” he said lamely after a moment, certain that it was a line at least from this general part of the show.

Peter saved him. Again. As always. Gracefully taking the spotlight and uttering every word of Mercutio’s “Queen Mab” speech perfectly and effortlessly, Jason couldn’t do anything but watch in amazement…and regret. He knew his eyes were glazing over. He knew his legs were giving way. He knew his sweat was staining his costume, and he knew tears were going to pour down his face as soon as he heard the words “being thus frightened…”

Frightened. No individual word hit Jason harder. Maybe “Alone.” Never in his life had he felt so alone. Never in his life had he felt so scared. He knew what he’d done. He knew what Lucas had given him, and he knew how much he’d taken. What he _didn’t_ know now was what to do.

“God, Jason, you’re flying…” he heard Peter say. At the same time it sounded so far away, yet so immediately in front of him.

“I’ll be fine,” was all he could mutter. His mouth seemed to say it involuntarily. Anything to give Peter another moment of peace. Keep him happy as long as he could. It was all Jason could do for him now.

A moment later it was all over.

As the world blurred around him, Jason spent every last breath of energy he had _thinking_ as hard as he could, praying that somehow through the grace of God (if He even loved him anymore) Peter would hear his apology. _Please understand that I tried…_


End file.
